EMOTIONAL INTELIGENCE IN PRACTICE - HOW TO DISCOVER IT?

"Success in life depends not only on the intellect but on the ability to manage emotions"

This is the inscription on the cover of Daniel Goleman's world-famous book "Emotional Intelligence".

The above quote is extremely true and therefore I want to share with you my understanding of this fashionable pattern of emotional intelligence in recent years.

In this article, you will learn two, in my opinion, the most important pillars of emotional intelligence.

Mastering them will give you great emotional wisdom - you will get to know yourself from a side that you have not known so far. And this is the key both in building relationships with other people and in guiding oneself towards achieving great goals.

Having many conversations with people, I can confidently say that I understand how important their emotions are to people. After all, they are such an integral part of our lives that without them we would not be able to function.

Even if you are not aware of it, most of the time you are in some emotional state. At the moment, there is a high probability that you have an emotion of curiosity about what you are about to learn :) That's good - because the knowledge about emotional intelligence contained here is a valuable portion of development.

Do you know that popular, everywhere cultivated division between the logical mind and the emotional mind?

Well, there is no such thing as pure, rational thinking. It has been scientifically proven a long time ago (usually in serious cases of injuries to the areas of the brain responsible for emotions) that a person without emotions is unable to cope in life.

People without emotions can’t make the simplest decisions, even such as choosing between a piece of fresh bread and old bread for breakfast.

Unfortunately, in school, we were not taught how to know and control our emotions, so a large number of people in the world are at the opposite extreme.

In short, we are not taught emotional intelligence. Their emotionality is so great that their whole life is subordinated to their emotions. And the inability to cope with suffering sulking anger, and other unpleasant feelings not only prevents them from achieving success in life but also takes away all the fun that is enjoying every day.

It is worth remembering that the division into "good" and "bad" emotions is artificial because each brings valuable information to our lives. It is important whether we can properly manage our emotional intelligence.

People who have been taught that expressing anger is wrong suffer a lot as a result. They do not accept the presence of this emotion in themselves. What do they lose by it? Valuable tips on your boundaries and the opportunity to take care of your needs.

We cannot throw our emotions in the trash. If we do not consciously feel them and express them wisely, they will find a way out of their own accord.

And that is why it is worth investing in emotional intelligence.

I used to not be able to cope with the various strong emotions that appeared from time to time. However, by working in the manner that I will show you below, I was able to switch roles - and now I am in control of my emotions, not the other way around.

One thing you need to know - you can have total control over your emotions. Emotional intelligence does just that. Calm the unpleasant ones when needed, and reinforce the positive ones whenever you want. At any moment of your life, you can feel exactly how you choose. And this will lead you to a conscious life where creating lasting relationships and taking on new challenges will be accompanied by excitement and pleasure, not fear and stress.

Of course, all of the following applies to both negative and positive emotions. As part of developing emotional intelligence, in addition to the ability to control the unpleasant ones, you will want to learn how to induce strong, rich emotional states such as motivation, joy, or self-confidence.

The absolute basis for any work with emotions.

Most people are not even aware of the emotions that arise in their bodies. Some, even if they are aware of emotions, this knowledge appears only after a longer period of occurrence of a given emotion.

You, on the other hand, want to strive for a situation where the time between the appearance of the emotion and the thought "Oh! I just feel angry! Yes, it is anger!” will be as short as possible.

The sooner you realize that an emotion has arisen, the more control you can have over it.

Therefore, I present to you the wheel of emotions that will allow you to visualize how many different emotions there are and that all of them have a name.

The mere fact of the emergence of an awareness of emotion takes you to a higher level, dissociating yourself from it to some extent. According to the spiritual master Osho, the awareness of emotions begins the process of dissolving them.

Practice this awareness by carefully observing your body and being aware of every emotion that arises in it. This is a very important step in developing emotional intelligence.

Knowing your emotions is all about getting answers to the following four questions:

So what's going on in your head just before you get emotional? What thought triggers this feeling? Whenever you become aware of an emotion, ask yourself what is causing it. What belief or thought sounded in your head just before it appeared? If you don't remember any thought, just ask yourself "Why am I feeling this way?".

When you catch the cause, you will receive very important information. Now you know what type of thought triggers a particular emotional state. This is the first component of developed emotional intelligence.

Every emotion has its place in your body.

Interestingly, each person feels similar emotions in different ways. More than once I had the opportunity to experience how one person felt stress as a lump in the throat, and another as ropes in the legs.

When an emotion arises, close your eyes and consider where in your body it originates.

Discover how it emerges - is it a sudden burst or a slow birth?

Still keeping your eyes closed, examine how the emotion develops in your body. In which direction does it spread? How does it do it? To make it easier, you can imagine its form, shape, color, specific size, temperature, weight, and other such parameters.

Thanks to this, you will learn more about the structure of emotions and see how they live in your body. Also, is it a strong emotion or rather a weak one?

How long do they last? Think about the moment when the emotion disappears. Why is it volatilizing - is it just that enough time has passed or is it the result of some thought? How does it end - does it go back to its original form or is it just suddenly gone? How long did this emotion last – three minutes, half an hour, or maybe several hours?

When you collect all the answers to the above questions, you will have an invaluable collection of information about a particular emotion. This will take you a giant leap forward in emotional intelligence - you've probably never known as much about one emotion as you do now.

Thanks to this, you already acquire the ability to control it, because you know where it comes from, how it develops, and when it ends.

Once I started using this approach, I was surprised at how much insight I could have into my emotions. I had never been aware before that, for example, the feeling of joy starts in the middle of my belly and then spreads upwards.

As you practice emotional intelligence, ask yourself these questions for each emotion you feel. After a while, conscious thinking about it will no longer be necessary.

You'll just naturally know every emotion that comes up in your body and you'll know everything about it right away.

And this is what I call emotional intelligence, which will be the source of many positive changes in your emotional world.

By the end of this article, I encourage you to take the Emotional Intelligence Test. Here are some variants:

Plato had something on his conscience when he said: "Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge”.

Emotions can be a valuable source of knowledge.

As we have seen in this post, emotional intelligence can facilitate positive decisions and behaviors that help us succeed in our relationships, well-being, and career aspirations.

If you want to develop your EQ, there are plenty of simple ways you can start building your emotional awareness today.

Finally, I encourage you to watch Daniel Goleman's talk at TED. A specialist in the field of emotional intelligence and the author of the book: Emotional Intelligence